never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
