Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
