I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
Randomize
