found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
