I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
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