I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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