so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
I think my vagina is haunted
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
Randomize
