Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
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