when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
Randomize
