what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
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