she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
