Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
You smell like a Billy Joel song
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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