I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
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