I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
