is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
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