I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
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