I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
