I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
Randomize
