Umm I'm too high to move.
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
