Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Randomize
