i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Randomize
