An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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