i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
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