You're my little dorito
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
