I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
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