he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
