if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
