yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Randomize
