i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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