eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
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