If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
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What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
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I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
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