No awkward lesbian experiences without me
you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
