I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
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