That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
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