What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Randomize
