I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
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