I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
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