it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
