i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
Randomize
