so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
