You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Randomize
