this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
Randomize
