I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
