FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
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