o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Randomize
