Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
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