so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
well, you know. whores of a feather.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Randomize
