she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Randomize
