It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
Randomize
