i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
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