RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Randomize
