She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
smell my finger.
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want her autograph on my taint
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
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