I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
Randomize