Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
Randomize
