Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
you will always have a special place in my vag
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
Randomize
