No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
You need a sexual gate keeper
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
Randomize
