He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Randomize
